Because I'm Numb

24 May 2007

I'm feeling crappy tonight so don't read this entry if you don't like angst.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

I don't know how you could make me feel this way,
It's strange how you could get through me,
The way you twist the dagger through this heart,
And still you'd be the one crying in the dark.

I never asked to be the victim of this plot.
Yet you gave me the role,
And then you take it back.
Switch it around, let me be the cause.
I'll be the monster in your life,
You'd be the angel in mine.

I don't know what I should feel.
I should hate you now,
But still I'm here.
I could hate you for all the things we've said,
But I could hate you now,
And still be by your side when this day ends.

I shouldn't worry about you,
Or wonder if you miss me too.
I shouldn't feel anything for you,
Not even a single emotion,
Not one close.

You have messed with my head,
I want to hate you so bad,
Yet all I could do is hate myself.
I want to rip this heart,
I want to leave this brain.
I don't want any piece of me,
For all of it is part of you.

In this night, sanity don't leave me.
I have come to ask for you,
But you never heard my plea.

It wouldn't matter if these tears shed,
It wouldn't help if I break into pieces.
Still you wouldn't hear me cry,
Still you couldn't make it right.

There's so many things I wish I could say,
Yet so many more things that are better left unsaid.
I shouldn't feel this pain for you,
For when tomorrow breaks,
there'd be nothing else left.
There'd be no more you and me to hate.
There would be no more us, no more we.

I can hear all the words you've said,
But then I'll pretend that I never comprehend.
You'll go on with your life,
thinking I've never cared.
And I'll keep on moving,
Denying all the hurt.

Don't look back now on me,
For I am afraid to see those eyes with pity.
I never wanted any of your sympathy.

Once this emotions get the best of me,
Don't even believe a word I say.
Don't think I couldn't go on.

Just when I though I am numb enough to feel the pain,
A single tear escapes and mocks my state.
How dare you little thing to rock my world,
Telling me I'm vulnerable,
Telling me that I could still get hurt.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

If you want to use this piece--either in full or part--please let me know and give proper credit to the author. Better yet, link back to this blog.

Latest Quest

22 May 2007

A few days ago I've decided to cook another filipino dish for my mom. Apparently, since that day I cooked that Adobo I was bitten by the cooking-bug. So I was back at the SM grocery store contemplating on what dish I should do next. I have chicken on my mind... like I always do when my BFF suggested "Caldereta." I have never ever done that dish in my life ever! I mean with Adobo, Sinigang and Pineapple Chicken, I have at least watched some relatives or friends when they're cooking. But Caldereta??? It was totally new to me. So since both me and my bestfriend don't really know how to cook.. we have to ask some older people in the place as to the ingredients and all that. As soon as I got home... I instantly googled the recipe and was surprise that the pictures looked like Afritada or Mechado... cuz it has tomato paste on it. I didn't know that there should be tomato sauce.. h3ck, I didn't even know you put liver spread on it. So I put off the cooking til the next day since I didn't have the ingredients. After a quick grocery stop... and a couple of hours later....well...well.... here's the finished product.

Even I was surprised that it tasted like a real Caldereta.... cuz REALLY it looks like Afritada to me. ^_^ But oh well... what a better way to end dinner with a little bit of this... courtesy of bestfriend. My fave Indian Mango... Yum!!!

And so... there ends my little "chef" moment. I'm out of budget now so I have to wait til next month for my next conquest... til next time!!! I'm getting hungry just by looking at the pictures. Gotta Go and eat, eat, eat!

Happy Bestfriend-sary!

19 May 2007

Isn't it sweet, isn't it grand?
After all these times,
we're still struggling through hand-in-hand.

Couldn't get any better,
Sharing what we now have
This life couldn't be brighter,
Once your eyes speak out your smile

Many times I've thought of it,
How much I've never deserved all this
How much you make me feel,
Just to know you're always there.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

I thought I'd write something profound and heart-warming for my bestfriend... hmm.. Forget it! I'll just write something.... still dedicated to my "bestfriend forever" Mwahaha! hope you'll like it.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

Poem Removed. If you want to read my tagalog entry.
Please click HERE.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~

If you want to use this piece--either in full or part--please let me know and give proper credit to the author. Better yet, link back to this blog.

Bio Sketch

17 May 2007

So... 5 days... I'm breaking records and surprising myself. Although there is nothing new with me right now... (except for exams) I have an idea on how I'll maintain this site.. but that's in the future... like.. probably months from now. BUT... without further ramblings... I present another one of my works. This is my attempt at creating somebody's biography.

Guess who's my subject?!?!?

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

Somebody was calling my name and as I stirred on my bed, I heard that same voice again. I grunted, not knowing how to respond. It was too early to process such things anyway. Then the sound got louder, “What time is your class?” I finally recognized the voice of my mama. Oftentimes I get annoyed when I’m disturbed of my sleep. But I know she mean well, just like she always does.

I was five when dad left home to work abroad. All seven of us siblings were left under our mom’s care. We didn’t have much in life, even my dad’s plane ticket was an additional debt. But my mom has her own way of making it better for all of us. She became a dealer of different companies, some are for beauty products and then there’s another for kitchenware. Sometimes it helps but oftentimes it’s never enough. So she would sell handicrafts, make accessories like hair clips or headbands, knit tablecloths, and pack peanuts or chocolate balls and sell it for a peso each. Of all the people I’ve known, my mom is definitely one with the strongest personality. If you happen to meet her, you will never forget about her.

(writer's note: I omitted personal stuff here)...University, and that is also where she met her future husband. She was 26 when she married my dad. We used to have a small store where the family earns a living. But after a tragic fire tore it down, my dad decided to work in Guam. Ever since then my mom played a very active role in our lives.

In all the schools we’ve attended, I guess Mama was more popular than her children. She was part of the Parents-Teachers Association, and she’s always visible at our school office. If you did something wrong to any one of her children, you’ll have to brace yourself for what you’ve got yourself into. She confronts them all, and she expects us—her children—to act accordingly. Almost all of us siblings are honor students, and even in my young mind I knew that it’s the only thing we can do in order to compensate for all the hardships our mama did for us.

In our hometown, she was also fairly popular. I guess it’s safe to say that she’s friendly. Or rather, she has a great public relations skill that everyone knows about her. She is well-respected even though she’s not a government official. And even if people wanted her to be, she always answers that joining such things only causes headaches. As always, there’s a price to pay for being well-known. Some resentful neighbors would start gossips here and there. But being the resolute that she is, she always fights for what is just and is always ready to defend her family. She’s made enough enemies as much as friends, but it doesn’t get her down. If she can help it, she never lets us see her break down and cry. Once I overheard a conversation she’d had with a friend and she mentioned that she’s “trying to be strong for her children… only for the sake of her children.” Whatever argument she’s been in, she always lets us know. For she wants us to do the same, to let each other be aware of what’s happening and learn to “help each other out…for nobody else will.”

Another fascinating trait about my mama is that she’s also very funny, and silly. Even in the most trying times, she could still find funny things to talk about. Maybe it’s one of those things that balance her out. Why give your enemies the satisfaction of seeing you suffering, if you can let them suffer by merely smiling?

Suddenly I’m pulled out of my dream as I heard the clashing of the pans in the kitchen. I heard that voice again, “…why can’t you get up early and at least help out your mother with the chores before going to school?” I quickly got up and now having second thoughts if I should still get out of my room or lock myself in. I really hate it when this side of her shows up, she can talk for hours and it’s going to be a countdown of all the things I’ve failed to do. I just keep quiet all throughout, and inside my head I’m praying that she’ll get tired soon. Like I have predicted, she calms down anyway after not getting any reactions.

Just like any mothers, mama puts her family first before anything. She is definitely a strict parent but she’s doing it for our own good. What might have happened to us—her 7 “angels”—if she hadn’t been so strict? I can’t even imagine. We may not have the perfect life, but we have our mama to thank for that we have grown up to be who we are today.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o

LIKE IT? HATE IT? Let me know and I'll break your neck... of course I'm Just Kidding! I appreciate all comments... good and bad...
Thank you for reading!!!

Bring In The Heat

12 May 2007

"Out of the frying pan... and into my skin. Nothing hurts like a boiling oil! Ouch!"

Okay.. it's 9pm.. and I just finished dinner with fam. It's been--I guess--weeks, since my mom came home from the US of A and ever since then, I've become a cook. I don't know where that responsibility came from but it just happened. Suddenly I'm the "Iron Chef" of the fam.. and I enjoy the role... much to my--what's the right word--amazement. Mind you, I've never really cooked a decent filipino cuisine before. Being a college stud, my menu consists only of pancit canton, maggi noodles, tuna, hotdogs or eggs. I can live on that. H3ck, I can even live with just bread alone. As long as it's one of those super-soft-i-want-to-pinch-it-cute Gardenia bread. YUM! Anyway, back to my topic. So there, knowing my background, I didn't really expect that I'd be this eager to cook for my mom. It first started when my mom was about to arrive.. and I wanted to surprise her. So the night before her arrival I cooked the world-famous "Adobo." I used chicken, cuz I LOVE CHICKEN. And it's not like any ordinary adobo... Redge's Style Adobo. It's the sweet kind! My bestfriend even said it tasted like "Humba" or Sugar-Braised Pork--another popular dish. But it tasted GREAT! so fine by me.

Then yesterday I cooked another dish, "Sinigang"--a soup dish with tamarind base--because my younger sis is coming over. I used pork this time... eventhough I REALLY wanted to use chicken. Violent reactions from my mom and bestfriend, made me do it. They said chicken isn't really the best choice for such dish. And after asking a few tips from my BFF, I finally did it! And yes! It tasted like a real "sinigang." Both my sis and mom were quite surprised... "You know how to cook!" they both said. And I just shrugged it off, but I was jumping inside. ^_^

And tonight, my latest quest was "Pininyahang Manok." My mom arrived home and we don't have anything to eat. I was caught up again with the internet so I didn't notice the time. So I quickly grab the chicken from our fridge... didn't know what to do with it. I couldn't fry it cuz it wasn't marinated yet... then I saw a pineapple chunk. And that's where it all started... I quickly search through the internet for the recipe... and after browsing different recipes... I just took what's available in our cupboard and took it from there... and after an hour---I think?!!?--it was all ready. Ha! My finished product:

Take note of that "heart-shaped rice"!!!! YOU HAVE TO acknowledge it! hahaha! I thought it was cute! XD

Once again my mom said... "so you can really cook... maybe you should put up a carinderia." I think my sis was trying to defend me when she said.. "Carinderia lang?." I kept quiet throughout. And so the three of us sat down and ate.

They started complaining that they're eating too much. We ran out of rice so I was forced to eat just a small portion... they said I have to eat. But I just smirked and answered, "I'm happy enough to see you two eating heartily. And knowing that you'll be heavier than me." Then we all broke into laughter.

A New Beginning

08 May 2007

Why start now?

Nobody told me that this is going to be a tedious job... *sigh* So, right now... I'm basically starting my very own blog. The very first one I intend to update. lol. I already have my own template... but having a background in HTML design & stuff, I just can't keep my hands off from the coding.. I HAVE TO customize every little thing... until it suits my taste.

I REALLY have no idea how I'd be able to maintain this. I thought I'd just post my literary works--old and new ones. I know they are not the best ones but I do enjoy writing them... and it'd be nice if people can critique it. BUT.. umm.. who knows.. I might post things about myself... and FOR ONCE will not BE afraid to share it to the world.

Until then... Enjoy your stay... please feel free to leave comments on how I could improve this BLOG.

Mad About Love

04 May 2007

"Chronicles of Love"

This is the first time I would fall on my knee,
This would be the last time I would cry for thee.
I would run up and follow you,
Till you tell me to leave
I would summon all the courage,
To let you know how I feel

Friendship was it? Friendship indeed
Whoever wanted friendship if it’s love you need?

You may have noticed by the way that I stare,
But you will never know that pain that is real.
Everytime I’m near, you try to walk away.
All because of my foolishness,
To let you know how I feel.

I’m not a poet, but a thousand poems I’ll write,
If it would move you to love me

Please don’t hate me,
If I chose to be beside you
I never asked for this feeling,
Somehow I’ve let go

Hush now, my troubled heart and cease the beating
What more can I do, if your heart has been taken?

As lonely now as I may be,
I refuse to ignore that it’s you I need.
And I would swear by the sky and seas,
That I would love thee till you fall for ME

~ o ~ o ~ o ~

If you want to use this piece--either in full or part--please let me know and give proper credit to the author. Better yet, link back to this blog.