Gender Jokes

29 July 2008

It's Battle of the Sexes! After reading Dylan's post on jokes about women, I was inspired to find gender jokes to get back at the male species. Yeahh!!! Anyway, found these from the internet, and it's all for fun. I'm not sexist, it's just for a good laugh.. and I hope nobody gets offended.

This is for all the ladies out there!!!!!!!!!! Go Girrrrl Power!

~ o ~ o ~

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single Women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

~ o ~ o ~

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

~ o ~ o ~

Truths About Men

  • Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
  • What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
  • If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
  • Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
  • Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
  • Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  • Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.
  • Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
  • Sadly, all men are created equal.
  • If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
  • Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
  • Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.
  • Husbands are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.

~ o ~ o ~

Female Comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Whatta Friend

24 July 2008

I'm only your friend,
When you need some help.
For you I only exist,
When there's a necessity you can't miss

I guess I should've seen it coming,
It was written in the frickin' signs.
But I have told myself, you're not one of them,
I made myself believe, you're worth it.

Never thought it would come to this,
When your true color is finally shining through.
And no there's no beauty, none at all,
Shame on me, for getting it all wrong.

Gone were the times we'd laugh out on the hallways,
The little chit-chats and serious debates.
How I wish I would look back and be happy,
But when I do now, I realized the insanity.

In one instance of separation,
It's sad how we've became strangers.
In their new lovely lives, I simply would not fit in.
So they're cutting me off, to lighten up the burden.

Here in my little bubble, I thought I have my friends,
I would do anything to protect and be with them.
Oh, how I'd love to see their smiles,
Sadly they never felt the need to reciprocate.

Now I'm wondering, did they truly care about me?
Or was I just another character, to help their self-gain?
What did I ever see or was I that desperate to make friends?
How did I became so stupid, to trust them and hurt myself again?


This poem is wholeheartedly dedicated to a couple of people that I used to call my 'friends.'

~ o ~ o ~ o ~

A QUICK REMINDER:
If you want to use this piece--either in full or part--please let me know and give proper credit to the author. Better yet, link back to this blog.

World Class Profession Tag

22 July 2008

Got tagged by Ate Nona.

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Copy and paste everything to a new post and Add your name next to your profession (or profession-to-be for undergrads) in the list. Make sure your name is linked to your blog/webbie.

Tip: For easier capture of links, paste into your blog using the “Visual” (for WP) and Compose (for Blogger) modes (not Edit HMTL or HTML).

2. If your profession is not in the list then simply add it to the correct alphabetical place. For example, if you want to add PLUMBER then it should be placed in between ONCOLOGIST and QUEEN.

3. Tag as many people as you can and witness how your technorati will explode!

4. Don’t forget to link back.

THE WORLD CLASS PROFESSIONS

Architect - Nona
Blogger -
Doctor -
Entrepreneur - Inkee
Nurse - Mckhoii,
Stay-at-Home-Mom - Mai, Alpha, Yen
Teacher -
University Employee - Suzanne

I’m passing this tag to bestfriend Tekla, and new online friends Dylan, Hannah and Julius.

Salamat Sayo

21 July 2008

Pinilit umisip ng katagang para sayo,
Handog sana sa ating anibersaryo.
Ilang oras na ang lumipas,
Wala pa rin titik na nararapat.

Binabalikan ang ating nakaraan,
Tagaktak ng pawis ay pinunasan,
Init ng araw at di inalintala,
Mayari lang itong aking pasasalamat.

Di man kita nakakausap ng harapan,
Sa mga kwentuhan tila ba ika'y matalik na kaibigan.
Iyon ay ang unang linggo,
Nang makuha ko ang numero mo.

Pagkatapos ng dalawang buwan,
Ikaw na ang aking iyakan.
Mga sikretong itinatago,
Di inakalang sayo maibubuhos.

Isang taon nakalipas,
Isang milyong away ang naranasan,
Ngunit andyan ka pa rin,
Ni minsan ay 'di ako iniwanan.

Dal'wa, tatlo, hanggang sa ika-apat,
Malayo man, pagkakaibiga'y di kinalimutan.
Andyan ang mga drama at asaran,
Teknolohiya ang saksi sa ating pikunan.

Mag-away man isang saglit,
Maya't maya naman ay magbabati.
Mga pagkakaiba ay pilit nilampasan,
Tingnan mo nga naman, naka-limang taon na tayo kaibigan.


Here's a little video I made, for all the fun times we've shared. Thank you very much bestfriend!!!





~ o ~ o ~ o ~

A QUICK REMINDER:
If you want to use this piece--either in full or part--please let me know and give proper credit to the author. Better yet, link back to this blog.

Restless

14 July 2008

I always had dreams where I (think) am aware that I’m dreaming. But the frightening part is I am also aware that I can’t wake up from my nightmares. Someone is hurting me. Shadows choking me, another one pulling my hair … then at one time, the shadow have thrown me toward the wall. And it hurts, I couldn’t breathe at times. I was crying for help, I know I’m yelling but nobody could hear me. If someone could only wake me up, then I know that these nightmares would stop.

My brother finally comes to my rescue, he wakes me up… and I hugged him tight. Tears are in my eyes, as he comforts me and says that everything is okay. But it’s not right, I never hug my brother. That’s when I noticed the shadows lurking in the corner. Suddenly, they’re attacking him. I tried to pull him away from them, but I lost. I was shoved back, and landed with a thud on the floor. Luckily for me, my bedroom is carpeted. I looked around and everything is quiet. The red LED lights on my table say its only 3am. I sighed, finally… I’m really awake.

The next morning, I asked my sister if she heard me yelling. She said no, I asked if I’m at least murmuring… she answered that I am very quiet when I sleep. Hearing her words scared me even more. There are nights when I’d rather not sleep, scared that I might not wake up tomorrow. What if the shadows attacked again? And even when I think I’m already yelling, in reality I’m only screaming inside my head. How are they supposed to know that something is wrong? How can they help me?

I told my family and friends about it, they think it’s only stress. So I tried to take naps on afternoons, hoping it would help. But the shadows visited me even then.

I see shadows hovering over me, again. It’s the 3rd time this week. I told them to stop, as I tried to hide underneath my blanket… but someone is already tugging on my feet, dragging me out of bed. Followed by the second shadow, and it’s pulling my arms out up north; the pain that shoots out from my joints causes me to let out a scream. This is just a dream, I remind myself, they are not really hurting me. They can’t hurt me. So I tried to wake myself up by screaming my sister’s name, when suddenly I remembered that I’m alone at home tonight. And nobody is there to wake me up. I start to panic. Stories from my youth flashes before me, people DIE from this kind of nightmares, and I am next. I can’t even save myself.

BEEEEP! BEEEEP! My eyes automatically open and my arm reaches out to hit snooze. Thank goodness for alarm clocks.

Happy Happy Birthday REDGE!!!

10 July 2008

Today is the first year of Redge Computer Solutions!!! Woohoo!!!

Happy Birthday Orkut Comments

On the very first day we opened, our income went to a whooping...

18 pesos.

Hehe. I know! thankfully, it didn't stay that way for long. I can confidently say that this is one of the best things that ever happened to me... and also for my future.

Our official website is finally up. Visit Redge Computer Online! Check out our computer services... at a very affordable rate!

What Happens In Vegas...

09 July 2008

July 29 to August 3, 2008 ~ Hip Hop Dancers Around the World Unite!!!

Found these posters today, and if I could just go there for ONE DAY - on August 3 and attend the following events...





But I can't............. ahhhhhh!!! :(

Would someone be kind enough to sponsor my plane ticket? hehe.

If you're interested, you can visit their website at: http://www.hiphopinternational.com/

The week-long event includes USA HipHop Dance Championship (juniors, varsity and adult divisions), World HipHop Dance Championship (all divisions), World Dance (popping and locking, bboy crew battles) , workshops, etc.

For the meantime, I'll just sit here and watch their videos on YouTube.

One Year Older...

03 July 2008

Last year, I had the most spontaneous idea to put my college education on sabbatical, in order to fulfill another dream of mine.

I texted my bestfriend and told her, "Let's do it." And we did, by the next day.

Nobody else knew, the papers were already being processed. I was out of the house almost everyday. I broke the news to my mama via text message. I was a coward, yes. I can't remember her exact message but it was somewhere between trying to be supportive but at the same time, she's doubtful of my choice. She wants me to finish my degree.

Umm.. I sort of didn't listen.

For almost a year now, I've been sitting in this same chair from 8am-7pm from Monday-Saturday... and 10am-4pm every Sunday.

If you've finally caught on, yes, Redge Computer is celebrating its 1st year anniversary this coming July 10th. Wooohooooo! I can't even believe its already been a year. In my mind, we just opened up yesterday. I love my job, there are times it gets stressful. But as long as you enjoy what you're doing, you'd barely think of it as work.

With this post, I would like to give a BIG THANK YOU! to my bestfriend ~ the only person who answered my text message with "when?' instead of asking "why?"

This is for all those who believed in me....

For all the new friends I've made........ and those who 'STILL' stick with me through the years....

To the Almighty God above, who showed me everyday that NOTHING is impossible.

MARAMING SALAMAT PO!!!


"Dream big... then dream some more."